Transitions

Many Boomer Women are either facing, or contemplating, life changes.  We may want to become an entrepreneur as many Boomers are doing. We may find a new love. We may suddenly find ourselves in charge of a parent or spouse who needs help. Or we may be contemplating a move and a new lifestyle.

Life changes normally involve a time of uncertainty as we consider transitioning into a new role, or have it thrust upon us. If the prospect of change is our choice, what are our options?  Do we cling to the old and familiar, if we can, even if it is not what our inner voice knows that we want? We may have been taught to always be prudent and cautious and the familiar may feel safe, if not satisfying.   Or do we embrace the change and begin to plan for it by setting goals and establishing the steps that will help us with the transition?  What would you do?

Think about it.

Choices

There are many choices at the Boomer stage of life. What do we want to react to, what do we want to ignore. Who do we want to reach out to, who do we want to leave out.  What do we want to include in our lives, what do we want to discard. Just our own debate- no judgment, life according to our own values, curious, thoughtful, caring, practical, wise and smart.

How to make the right decisions for ourselves?

Think about it.

YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL

So we recall hearing during the first flush of the Woman’s Movement that indeed women can have it all. We can successfully manage career, relationship and kids. Well, many of us found out that it wasn’t so easily accomplished- at least not all at the same time.

Now, as female boomers, who may be widowed or divorced, or in a good stable relationship, having had a satisfying career-or not; with your kids grown, if you had them, maybe it’s time to think about it again.

But, what comes to your mind as your goal for having it all as a still vital woman with decades ahead to go after it? What do you really want? Do you know? Your heart, your inner self may know, but have you learned how to listen to it and hear it? Women often don’t.  The demands of life, of work, of taking care of kids and relationships, have compelled us to defer what we really want for ourselves, our own true selves.

Now is your time to really "have it all".

Think about it.

Taking Care of Our Elders

•     The National Alliance for  Caregiving,  in collaboration with AARP, in a report Funded by the MetLife Foundation - November 2009- stated the following:

•    “Over seven in ten caregivers were employed at some time when they were care giving (73%).  Among them, two-thirds have gone in late, left early, or taken time off during the day to deal with care giving issues (66%).  One in five took a leave of absence (20%)”.

At some point in our lives we will most likely be caring for one or both of our aged parents, and perhaps also working full or part time.

Don’t go it alone. Get all the professional advice and personal support you need. Professionals such as ElderCare Attorneys and Geriatric Care Managers are available, as are support groups. Maintain your social networks, talk to your friends and take care of your own health.

After the Storm

At least for now things seem to have quieted down a bit. The big storm Irene has come and gone, except of course for the loss now felt in her wake.

I started thinking that life can be like Irene, something really big and maybe unexpected happens - a divorce, marriage, job change, a new member of the family is born - and then what?  It means change, readjusting, and re-positioning our lives.

What gets in our way of claiming what we want? A new relationship, a different job or career, a better relationship with those we hold dear? Are these outside forces or inner demons? Perhaps a bit of both?

Let’s look at the inner self.

In his classic work, “Taming Your Gremlin”, Rick Carson raises the issue of how one responds to one’s life. He talks about what he terms the Gremlin in each of us, the entity that speaks to us in words that sabotage our very beings.  That being that says the worst things we believe about ourselves. 

Get to know your particular Gremlin- look at him/her and lessen his/her power over you.

Maybe we can’t do much about Mother Nature, but we sure can squelch that demon in our heads.

Optimism Is...

Real Optimism

In my mind, real optimism is keeping on. In my mind, real optimism is continuing with your plan in spite of the news, weather, or other confusing or distracting life stuff. Baby Boomers have had enough life experience to know that there are always detours and potholes.  How you move past or around them is the key.

When you notice that you are stuck - that is the time to remember your vision of the world and yourself.

Ask:

What is holding me back?

What are my thoughts?

What habits have I developed that are dysfunctional?

What is the one thing I can do right now to get out of my own way?

Who can I call upon for support and who can I support?

You choose – What’s next?

Staying Focused

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it 

into small jobs.
-Henry Ford

It's really easy to get negative. The news is full of pessimism, our friends are depressed, our parents are in need of more care and support, our kids always in need money. For those feeling like the filling in a sandwich- squeezed on all sides- what to do? Take a break from the barrage of down information.

HOW? 

I say, stay focused - on your vision, on what's working, where you want to go. Set SMART goals which are written and posted where you can look at them. I have my goals on the wall next to my computer where I can see them daily.

Ask yourself:

What do I want to accomplish this week? 

How does this fit into my vision?

What actions must I take?

What resources do I need?

How will I measure success?

Be sure your goals are SMART: 

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.

Read more about writing SMART goals: 

[ S. M. A. R. T. Starts Here ]

  

  

Goals are dreams with deadlines. -Diana Scharf Hunt

Are We There Yet?

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

-Woody Allen

Are We There Yet?

Ever been in a car with kids - what do they ask?  Are we there yet? What have you said to yourself at 30? 40? 50? 60? 70?

Am I there yet?

As someone who has experienced marriage, divorce, parenting, worked as a nurse, social worker, educator, consultant, gerontologist/care manager, administrator, 

and coach - I have asked myself this question many times.

Obviously the answer has been NO - As the world changes, one changes.

Ask yourself, What Would I do If only? IF only I were younger, richer, thinner, smarter, more successful, etc, etc. Forget the IF Only, create a vision and set your goals. Do you want to be more financially stable, improve your relationships, be more creative? Whatever your goals, let them inspire and challenge you!

After all Verdi was eighty when he wrote Falstaff.

Tomorrow

"'Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did.  So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."  _ Mark Twain

I have lived enough of life to know that when today becomes tomorrow I want to have moved toward the life I want- in some small or even big way. The trick is to sort out the important from the clutter--- and act--- no matter what your age is.

In their book "Creating Your Best Life- the Ultimate Life List Guide" Caroline Adams Miller and Dr. Michael B. Frisch discuss the importance of life goals. This is well understood by several colleagues of mine. One is a psychotherapist, another a dedicated administrator in service to the ill elderly and yet another a gifted young artist and computer wiz. All have given serious thought to how they envision their lives and their most important priorities. They are fun folks with serious goals.

What are your life's goals?  And what will you do today and tomorrow?

Warmth,

Marilyn

Retire or Not? Is that the question?

Retirement: World's longest coffee break.  ~Author Unknown
        

Today I received a phone call from a colleague who said, “I was not sure you would be at this number. I thought you might have retired and re-located.” This started me thinking about my friends and colleagues, and what they are doing.

Here are a few stories:

         One colleague was ousted from a job in corporate America 15 years ago. Now in her mid-seventies she is happily running a small consulting business and has no plans to slow down.  Another, a woman in her mid-eighties, has just fully retired, or almost. She continues to sit on boards and mentor younger colleagues. And yet another person carefully planned his full retirement in his mid-sixties, cultivating recreational activities and interests well before his exit date.

Three scenarios and there are many more. We do not necessarily put our feet up at 65 and collect a pension and social security. After all, retirement is a new concept in the history of man.

According to the MetLife Mature Market Institute in the MetLife Study of Women & Generational Differences, three-quarters of mothers retired before the traditional retirement age of 65, yet only 37% of their daughters predict they will retire before then.  17% of daughters say they will be age 70 or older, and 6% say they will never retire.

If we are fortunate we have viable choices. You can fully retire, partially retire, or keep going full tilt, or some other scenario. What are your plans?  How will you decide? What information do you need? What is your vision of your future?


Warmth,




Marilyn