After the Storm

At least for now things seem to have quieted down a bit. The big storm Irene has come and gone, except of course for the loss now felt in her wake.

I started thinking that life can be like Irene, something really big and maybe unexpected happens - a divorce, marriage, job change, a new member of the family is born - and then what?  It means change, readjusting, and re-positioning our lives.

What gets in our way of claiming what we want? A new relationship, a different job or career, a better relationship with those we hold dear? Are these outside forces or inner demons? Perhaps a bit of both?

Let’s look at the inner self.

In his classic work, “Taming Your Gremlin”, Rick Carson raises the issue of how one responds to one’s life. He talks about what he terms the Gremlin in each of us, the entity that speaks to us in words that sabotage our very beings.  That being that says the worst things we believe about ourselves. 

Get to know your particular Gremlin- look at him/her and lessen his/her power over you.

Maybe we can’t do much about Mother Nature, but we sure can squelch that demon in our heads.

Optimism Is...

Real Optimism

In my mind, real optimism is keeping on. In my mind, real optimism is continuing with your plan in spite of the news, weather, or other confusing or distracting life stuff. Baby Boomers have had enough life experience to know that there are always detours and potholes.  How you move past or around them is the key.

When you notice that you are stuck - that is the time to remember your vision of the world and yourself.

Ask:

What is holding me back?

What are my thoughts?

What habits have I developed that are dysfunctional?

What is the one thing I can do right now to get out of my own way?

Who can I call upon for support and who can I support?

You choose – What’s next?

Staying Focused

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it 

into small jobs.
-Henry Ford

It's really easy to get negative. The news is full of pessimism, our friends are depressed, our parents are in need of more care and support, our kids always in need money. For those feeling like the filling in a sandwich- squeezed on all sides- what to do? Take a break from the barrage of down information.

HOW? 

I say, stay focused - on your vision, on what's working, where you want to go. Set SMART goals which are written and posted where you can look at them. I have my goals on the wall next to my computer where I can see them daily.

Ask yourself:

What do I want to accomplish this week? 

How does this fit into my vision?

What actions must I take?

What resources do I need?

How will I measure success?

Be sure your goals are SMART: 

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.

Read more about writing SMART goals: 

[ S. M. A. R. T. Starts Here ]

  

  

Goals are dreams with deadlines. -Diana Scharf Hunt

Are We There Yet?

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

-Woody Allen

Are We There Yet?

Ever been in a car with kids - what do they ask?  Are we there yet? What have you said to yourself at 30? 40? 50? 60? 70?

Am I there yet?

As someone who has experienced marriage, divorce, parenting, worked as a nurse, social worker, educator, consultant, gerontologist/care manager, administrator, 

and coach - I have asked myself this question many times.

Obviously the answer has been NO - As the world changes, one changes.

Ask yourself, What Would I do If only? IF only I were younger, richer, thinner, smarter, more successful, etc, etc. Forget the IF Only, create a vision and set your goals. Do you want to be more financially stable, improve your relationships, be more creative? Whatever your goals, let them inspire and challenge you!

After all Verdi was eighty when he wrote Falstaff.

Tomorrow

"'Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did.  So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."  _ Mark Twain

I have lived enough of life to know that when today becomes tomorrow I want to have moved toward the life I want- in some small or even big way. The trick is to sort out the important from the clutter--- and act--- no matter what your age is.

In their book "Creating Your Best Life- the Ultimate Life List Guide" Caroline Adams Miller and Dr. Michael B. Frisch discuss the importance of life goals. This is well understood by several colleagues of mine. One is a psychotherapist, another a dedicated administrator in service to the ill elderly and yet another a gifted young artist and computer wiz. All have given serious thought to how they envision their lives and their most important priorities. They are fun folks with serious goals.

What are your life's goals?  And what will you do today and tomorrow?

Warmth,

Marilyn

Retire or Not? Is that the question?

Retirement: World's longest coffee break.  ~Author Unknown
        

Today I received a phone call from a colleague who said, “I was not sure you would be at this number. I thought you might have retired and re-located.” This started me thinking about my friends and colleagues, and what they are doing.

Here are a few stories:

         One colleague was ousted from a job in corporate America 15 years ago. Now in her mid-seventies she is happily running a small consulting business and has no plans to slow down.  Another, a woman in her mid-eighties, has just fully retired, or almost. She continues to sit on boards and mentor younger colleagues. And yet another person carefully planned his full retirement in his mid-sixties, cultivating recreational activities and interests well before his exit date.

Three scenarios and there are many more. We do not necessarily put our feet up at 65 and collect a pension and social security. After all, retirement is a new concept in the history of man.

According to the MetLife Mature Market Institute in the MetLife Study of Women & Generational Differences, three-quarters of mothers retired before the traditional retirement age of 65, yet only 37% of their daughters predict they will retire before then.  17% of daughters say they will be age 70 or older, and 6% say they will never retire.

If we are fortunate we have viable choices. You can fully retire, partially retire, or keep going full tilt, or some other scenario. What are your plans?  How will you decide? What information do you need? What is your vision of your future?


Warmth,




Marilyn

FRIENDSHIP

A man's growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Welcome to my blog on Marilyn Howard Coaching. I thought, What is important to all us? How do we make our lives generous, meaningful- essentially what makes it work? There are many ideas to consider - work, family, financial security, pleasure, spouses, pets, and living arrangements. One could go on and on. Is there a common denominator that cuts across all of this?

Friendship - yes friendship. Friends at work, friends who keep us on track on a spending spree, friends who care for our pets when we go on vacation, adult children who are friends, and/or spouses who we can talk to as friends. Living a long and satisfied life has everything to do with what academics call social support. Friends are a big part of  our social support network.

This concept has been cited in many books about successful living, including “Successful Aging” by Rowe and Kahn and “The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study”

by Howard S. Friedman and Leslie R. Martin.

Ask yourself, what makes your friendships work?

Warmth,

Marilyn B. Howard

Life / Executive Coach

“I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship

was that one had to explain nothing.” -Katherine Mansfield