National Family Caregivers Month

It would be remiss of me to let November slip by without recognizing National Family Caregivers Month. It's a time to honor and thank all family caregivers who, as President Obama wrote in his proclamation, “are the humble heroes who do so much to keep our families and communities strong.” This year's theme is Take Care to Give Care, and it's designed to remind caregivers to take care of themselves so that they can successfully care for their loved one (or neighbor). 

The National Family Caregivers Association runs an excellent website, Caregiver Action Network, www.caregiveraction.org. This site helps all caregivers. So, you may want to pass on this information to a friend in need of support in their caregiving efforts. 

I particularly like these ten tips which the site lays out for us:

10 Tips for Family Caregivers

1. Seek support from other caregivers. You are not alone!

2. Take care of your own health so that you can be strong enough to take care of your loved one.

3. Accept offers of help and suggest specific things people can do to help you.

4. Learn how to communicate effectively with doctors.

5. Caregiving is hard work so take respite breaks often.

6. Watch out for signs of depression and don't delay getting professional help when you need it.

7. Be open to new technologies that can help you care for your loved one.

8. Organize medical information so it's up to date and easy to find.

9. Make sure legal documents are in order.

10. Give yourself credit for doing the best you can in one of the toughest jobs there is!

There's also a Family Caregiver Toolbox with many links to other sites, and even a special section on coping with Alzheimer's Disease. 

Retiring, Not!

People are working longer, later into their senior years. I could find you the statistics, but you've heard it and you've seen it. For example, there’s the receptionist at your doctor who has been there for decades, well even your doctor is growing old with you.

It's not just what They say, that 70 is the new 60, 60 is the new 50, etc.  People are living longer, yes, but they also feel as if they're not ready to retire. They're vital, healthy, sharp-minded and the stereotypical image of sitting around on the front porch rocking chair with a blanket on their lap just isn't appealing. Then, there's the fact that many people have to work, there are too many financial burdens to be able to live off of Social Security or maybe that pension.

Two recent articles in The New York Times demonstrated the kinds of work that's out there for “retirees.” One article featured a man whose was a hospital maintenance man, someone who had climbed the ranks to manager, who finally found that work was just too hard on his aging body. He became the concierge. Nobody knew the building better than him! [Too Old for Hard Labor, but Still on the Job, http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/13/your-money/too-old-for-hard-labor-but-still-on-the-job.html?rref=collection%2Fcolumn%2Fretiring] The other article featured a man whose heart attack caused him to slow down and he found a mentoring program that taught new technologies. He started his own business and created an interactive game to be used at a place he had loved as a child, Harper's Ferry Historical Site. He gets to make his own hours! [Older Entrepreneurs Take on the Concrete Ceiling, http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/10/your-money/older-entrepreneurs-take-on-the-concrete-ceiling.html?rref=collection%2Fcolumn%2Fretiring]

Both articles show that you can create a new life for yourself. These men channeled their previous skills into a new job. This probably seems like a daunting task, but it is entirely possible. Even I did it in going back to college for my Coaching Certificate a few years ago. So, here's some ideas to get you started:

You can consider changing jobs as an exciting opportunity to try something new. Try going back to your childhood passion; you may have loved baseball or jewelry making and you can explore what's available in those areas. Try that job you started with, as a teen or as an adult, and see what a lifetime of experiences brings to the job now. I'm not talking flipping burgers necessarily, but maybe those skills that you started acquiring as a camp counselor now, after all the other skills you've acquired, can be turned into a mentor position or managing a youth center. Try thinking of the things you love to do now, and find a way to turn them into a new job.


I like to tell people to look at the skills you've acquired in your various jobs, leadership, teamwork, problem solving, maybe even how to flip the perfect burger. Then, see what else you can apply those skills to, like the men in those articles did. Okay, maybe you won't be making as much money, but it can be enough. After looking at your skills, next embrace the change and make a plan, set actionable goals, and just do it. I can also suggest watching Robert DeNiro in The Intern for inspiration!


Lastly, remember there are people like me, there to help and support you along the way.

Fall Prevention for Community Dwelling Seniors

           In the past decade the trend in senior living has been moving towards assisted living and especially living in the community. While many seniors have found comfort living in a community of people in their same age range and enjoying minimal health services and specially designed activities, others have found greater comfort living in the home they've been in for years, in a familiar neighborhood where "everybody knows your name" and shopping is similar to what it's always been. There is a sense of security in the familiarity of everything, but this can be a false sense of security when seniors are frailer than in their passed years. Often with frailty comes an increased possibility of falling. Therefore, it's best to look around the house and see the hidden and not-so-hidden dangers that could cause a fall from a loose rug edge to a chair that doesn't quite fit the space, and even a staircase that doesn't have a railing.
         There are many websites which give suggestions for safely living at home. Check out these sites for ideas and suggestions. At this site from the National Council on Aging, the organization has outlined 6 Steps for Preventing Falls Among Your Older Loved Ones. Specifically designed for caregivers, including children caring for their parents, the steps give practical advice to help prevent falls from medication checking to checking for potential dangers around the house. Another source is from the Centers for Disease Control, STEADI (Stopping Elderly Accidents, Deaths, and Injuries) Materials for Your Older Adult Patients. It includes two brochures available in English and Spanish that can be printed out or ordered, Stay Independent (pointing out risks and how to prevent them) and What You Can Do to Prevent Falls (tips for staying safe and healthy in the home). Lastly, at SeniorCitizensGuide.com they have reprinted a checklist from the National Association of Home Builders on preparing the home for senior living, Aging-In-Place Design Checklists. Following even a few of these suggestions may mean the difference between having to live in a nursing home because of an injury and living in a safe environment in a familiar community.
                              The words in grey are links to the websites, click to go.

"A Group for Women of a Certain Age"

 

I have teamed up with Family Life Cycle Associates to run a 7 session
group which will provide women with coaching and support during life transitions.

 

Please contact me if you would like any further information.

MARILYN HOWARD | RN, LCSW, NYU CERTIFIED

917-749-8090

A Woman of a Certain Age

So, here you are - a woman of a certain age, who is your ideal?

Think about who “floats your boat”.  Write down the names.

Maybe Dame Judy Dench, Maggie Smith, Whoopi Goldberg,

Helen Mirren, Oprah Winphrey, Diane Sawyer, Julia Child,

Mother Teresa, Hillary Clinton, Jane Fonda, the woman next door

who seems to “age with grace and gusto”, your ex-teacher, your

boss, you name it.

What images comes to your mind when you hear that name?

Strong, decisive, smart, accomplished, risk taker, talented, ever-

changing with the times, kind, empathic,  relentless,  sexy, single,

married (maybe two or three times even), patient.

Write down words that describe what is important to you. 

Picture her or them. Draw a picture, make a collage.  

Think about what parts of their lives you admire most.

Ask yourself:

What are the qualities I see about this woman I want to add to

my own life? How will this help me to become the woman I want to

be? What do I value most in this world?

What do I want to change in my life? Do I want to retire, work less

(or more), re-locate or stay put, change some of my relationships for

the better, eliminate others,  change my look, find passion.

What works? What doesn’t? What needs to change?

How can those qualities I admire help me? Which ones do I already

have in abundance? Which ones do I need to develop? How can I

do that?

Woman of a certain age – What do you want? I did not ask what

others want for you or from you. I asked what do you want?

Find the answer.

Embracing Change

Once you have decided where your heart and values lead, you may decide to make a major change in your life.  Change can be a fresh and exciting experience.  As Boomers, most of us have gone through one or more life changes. Some of the changes we’ve made have been life-enhancing, opening up new opportunities and experiences.  But there may have been times when we rushed into change too quickly, without thinking ahead. We hadn’t considered the potential impact on our financial, social and emotional lives.  

It’s true that embracing change is easier when you’ve had good experiences with it in the past.  But every change, even a challenging one, can be seen as a learning experience. And as a Boomer, you can use what the past has taught you to guide you into the future.  Choosing a new direction in life, whether it be entering into a new relationship, becoming an entrepreneur,  moving to a different location or changing your lifestyle, involves making a plan. 

The first step in any plan is to gather information.   After all, you wouldn’t take a trip, especially to a place you haven’t been before, without doing some research.  For example: Would it be better to drive, or to travel by train or plane and how much would it cost?  Where could I stay? What is the weather like at the time I plan to be there? 

What information do you need as a first step towards putting your plan into action? How would you get it.  Think about it.

Transitions

Many Boomer Women are either facing, or contemplating, life changes.  We may want to become an entrepreneur as many Boomers are doing. We may find a new love. We may suddenly find ourselves in charge of a parent or spouse who needs help. Or we may be contemplating a move and a new lifestyle.

Life changes normally involve a time of uncertainty as we consider transitioning into a new role, or have it thrust upon us. If the prospect of change is our choice, what are our options?  Do we cling to the old and familiar, if we can, even if it is not what our inner voice knows that we want? We may have been taught to always be prudent and cautious and the familiar may feel safe, if not satisfying.   Or do we embrace the change and begin to plan for it by setting goals and establishing the steps that will help us with the transition?  What would you do?

Think about it.

Choices

There are many choices at the Boomer stage of life. What do we want to react to, what do we want to ignore. Who do we want to reach out to, who do we want to leave out.  What do we want to include in our lives, what do we want to discard. Just our own debate- no judgment, life according to our own values, curious, thoughtful, caring, practical, wise and smart.

How to make the right decisions for ourselves?

Think about it.

YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL

So we recall hearing during the first flush of the Woman’s Movement that indeed women can have it all. We can successfully manage career, relationship and kids. Well, many of us found out that it wasn’t so easily accomplished- at least not all at the same time.

Now, as female boomers, who may be widowed or divorced, or in a good stable relationship, having had a satisfying career-or not; with your kids grown, if you had them, maybe it’s time to think about it again.

But, what comes to your mind as your goal for having it all as a still vital woman with decades ahead to go after it? What do you really want? Do you know? Your heart, your inner self may know, but have you learned how to listen to it and hear it? Women often don’t.  The demands of life, of work, of taking care of kids and relationships, have compelled us to defer what we really want for ourselves, our own true selves.

Now is your time to really "have it all".

Think about it.

Taking Care of Our Elders

•     The National Alliance for  Caregiving,  in collaboration with AARP, in a report Funded by the MetLife Foundation - November 2009- stated the following:

•    “Over seven in ten caregivers were employed at some time when they were care giving (73%).  Among them, two-thirds have gone in late, left early, or taken time off during the day to deal with care giving issues (66%).  One in five took a leave of absence (20%)”.

At some point in our lives we will most likely be caring for one or both of our aged parents, and perhaps also working full or part time.

Don’t go it alone. Get all the professional advice and personal support you need. Professionals such as ElderCare Attorneys and Geriatric Care Managers are available, as are support groups. Maintain your social networks, talk to your friends and take care of your own health.